The key to any successful story is balance. I found a great article on narration and show vs tell. This article has some great information on how to bring your readers closer to your characters and closer to your story. She gives examples of distance and closeness, which I think are wonderful. New writers and seasoned writers make these mistakes that are so easy to fix.
More words do not equal more action, more feeling, or more anything. Good prosey prose does not mean that more words need to be thrown at the sentence.
I agree with everything she has to say in, How Your Narrative Distance Affects Show, Don’t Tell by Janice Hardy
An excerpt from her article. To read the entire post click on the link below.
One of the reason show, don’t tell is so annoying, is that several factor can influence what feels told versus shown. The biggest, is the narrative distance you’re using. Change the narrative distance of the story, and a line that feels told in one book can feel shown in another.
Narrative distance is how far the reader feels from the point-of-view character. It ranges from experiencing what the character experiences (close, such as first person) to watching the character experience it (far, such as third person omniscient). The narrative distance of a story is your yardstick for show, don’t tell, and can help you determine how detached you can be without falling into told prose.
Close Narrative Distance: The zombie lunged through the open window. Oh, crap! Bob grabbed the shotgun and pulled the trigger.
Far Narrative Distance: As the zombie came through the window, Bob reached for the shotgun. Oh, crap! he thought before pulling the trigger.
Click on the link for the rest of the article over at Romance University.